You know those days when every fucking thing goes wrong, and every goddamn person pisses you off? You know when everyone else either does something wrong, or they say something wrong, and then YOU do something wrong, so you have to be annoyed with yourself on top of everything? I’m having that kind of day. It wasn’t supposed to be that kind of day. It was supposed to be a nice day. Didn’t turn out that way. Turned out going to total and complete shit.
You know those days when you just hate everyone? When you don’t know what you can do or where you can go so no one talks to you because if anyone talks to you at all, even for a second – you swear you’ll punch them in the face or curse them the hell out? and you don’t want to go right to bed because then it’s quickly the next day when you have to go to work and be consumed with hatred all-fricken-over again. So you have to stay awake to appreciate not being around any people. You want to stay awake and appreciate being totally angry.
It’s that feeling where you really want to hurt someone else’s feelings, and you know how to do it too. You sit there on the fence about whether or not you want to go through with it. You think about all the terrible things you’d like to say to people, and then finally feel that sweet release of tension as you place your pain on someone else. If you’re angry enough, you can toss the guilt about it right out the window. You just want to get under someone else’s skin.
The worst is when you tell people what's wrong, and they try and explain to you why you should feel better, why you SHOULDN'T be that upset, how you're overreacting, and how you need to alter your own behavior even though everyone else on the planet is being an asshole first. That's when you start thinking about the truely harmless ways of rebelling. This is when I see if it's possible to punch straight through your pillow while the feathers go in every direction.
I'm sick and fucking tired of feeling pissed about something and not having anyone to just say, "Oh, that sucks. I totally understand." Don't give me any fucking advice. Don't TELL ME HOW I SHOULD ACT OR FEEL!!! THIS is how I feel, OKAY??? I don't CARE if it's for the stupidest reason in your book. It's MY goddamn book, and I'm MAD. If I'm crying over spilled milk, then just be a friend and say to me, "I fucking hate it when milk spills." Don't give me SHIT about it.
Don't ask me what's wrong. Don't ask me if I'm okay. Don't give me advice. Relate to me or shut the fuck up. If you don't want to hear it, then don't look at me fuming and ask what's wrong. I'm not going to tell you if you are seriously incapable of understanding how I feel. I don't WANT to feel rationale. I don't want to manipulate anyone into doing or saying what I want while letting them think they're right. I want to tell people how I fucking feel about them without losing my job or losing my friendships. Some days I wish I could just be SO honest to people without having to worry about anything, and then just erase their memory so I don't have to deal with their shit (but I still get to see their reaction to the truth.)
It's official, im psychotic on my birthday week.