This John Edward book has been putting me in a strange mood these past couple of days. Yes, I just publically admitted that I've been reading a John Edwards book. I don't know, maybe just too much thought on death, but it's more than that. All this talk about the spiritual plane, of spirit guides constantly giving us direction. It has me thinking so much more about intuition, about when I feel I should do something, when I feel I should call someone and the reason. The book has challenged my ideas of fate, of everything happening for a reason. In some aspects, it really makes me believe that everything we do, everything that happens is guided. Even death is not meant to be stopped sometimes. However, if you can't pick up on spirit guides, you can make a wrong decision. John speaks to these spirits who often have him tell their loved ones they are on the right path. This implies that there is indeed a wrong path, and we are very capable to taking it. I think I have very little intuition. I don't think my spirit guides like me that much if I do indeed have them, which makes me wonder if everything I do happens for a reason, or if I have made then and I am going to make some more wrong decisions. Now there is so much more in question. I can't think that everything will be alright because these guides could be telling me something, and I don't obey because I'm not sure if my doubt is my guide telling me to do something else, and then poof - I'm doing the wrong thing. I would actually be on a WRONG path. What happens then? Does that mean I'd be unhappy? Does that mean I'll never fulfill my dreams? Does that mean so many things are not lessons, just mistakes, just wasted time? See, this is a bad time in my life to lose faith that whatever decision I make will be the right one because fate had me chosing it. Then fate didn't have me chose it. Fate led me to the place where I had to make a decision, and I could have made the wrong one. Now I have little confidence in the questions I'm even asking myself about these issues.
Maybe there are many ways to get where you are supposed to go. Maybe it's what it all adds up to, not the individual steps. Maybe it's like that saying, "When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window." Look at a map, there are always multiple routes to take. Some are longer. Some are shorter. Some are scenic. Some are dangerous. Some are tolled. Maybe life has options and taking any one of them can get us where we need to go. Maybe there aren't wrong paths, just unfavorable routes to the right place.
I'm not sure. I feel like there are regrets to be had. I think we definitely make mistakes, but things might have a way of working themselves out as long as you keep an open mind, stay passionate about living a good life, don't sacrifice what you care about. Stay true to yourself. Stop making excuses.
There will be times when you'll feel split. I know I feel that way right now. I want everything, but sometimes you have to make things balance. I can't decide what's right. I don't know if the reasons for either decision are made up to make me feel better. I'm not sure what I really want. I know what i'm afraid of. I know what I don't want a bit more. I want everything, and I don't like not being able to have it all. I don't know, my mind is so scrambled ALL THE TIME.