I know the flip side of this. I already know it, so you don’t have to tell me. Basically, it’s stupid to even think this way at 18. Maybe the only way to find out if you like something is to try it, and it’s totally worth it to keep trying rather than to sit around bitching about how I may or may not like it. That if I’m too afraid to actually go for anything, then by 30, I’ll still never have progressed or learned anything at all about what I would like to do, and more time would have been lost, but not by exploring – just by fearing.
So, that’s what it is, I am consumed by fear. I know two people in my life who would always talk to me about that. I’ll refer to them as The Philosopher and his twin soul The Devil’s Advocate (Advocate, for short). "What are you afraid of?" They would ask me, and I would always come up with some cleverly worded excuse as to why I’m not actually afraid, just completely practical. I am very spontaneous and confident in other areas of my life, just not so much when it comes to succeeding. I'm a huge baby. I’m just afraid. Afraid of failure. Afraid of time wasted, and yes, I’m aware of the irony. I’m afraid of blind leaps of faith. I’m afraid that I will never be able to afford the lifestyle I’ve always hoped for myself. I’m afraid I’ve made too many mistakes already. I’m only 18. I’m like a fucking infant practically, but I feel like I SHOULD be worrying about this, it is my future. I have another 80 years ahead of me, a thousand lifetimes. I feel like I have EVERY right to stress about these things because it is my future and it can't wait around forever.